How to Win Friends and Influence People

Communicating with other people is very important. Psychologists say that you have 7 seconds to impress someone, but once you get that first impression right, it is important to know what to do. How to win friends and influence people is all about making a good impression to other people. While this is not an how to book, it contains a lot of practical actions. Let’s look at them together:

Don’t criticize

Last week I launched a challenge with my girlfriend and my family. I said: I will give you one euro for every time you hear me complain about something or someone. Since then I gave away a few euros. The point is that it is difficult to avoid complaining, because most of the time we do that without minding. But if you resist that temptation, the people around you will like you better. Want a proof? Do you feel better with someone who does complain a lot or rather with someone who never complain but instead gives feedback and suggestions?

Appreciations

When someone points out who good we look with our new cloth, or that we are in a very good shape today, we feel good. Receiving genuine, sincere appreciations can easily make our day for the best. Don’t be afraid of saying I like you, or you make me happy.

What do you think will happen when you give someone an honest appreciation? Well, chances are that he or she will feel as good as you would, but most of all, he or she will feel important because of you, so why don’t you start to give a sincere appreciation to the people around you? Start with your spouse, and then move on to your friends and coworkers, and remember to be honest, never say something that you don’t truly believe.

Talk about them

If I’d meet a street artist, I would talk about how good his works are, how much admiration I have for him, but certainly not about my computer programming skills (unless he or she like to hear about it). People are naturally interested in themselves and in the things they do. If you want to influence people, talk about what they want, and show them how to get it. As the the author said:arouse in the other person an eager want and think always in terms of other people’s point of view. You can only do this by talking about what he or she want.

Listen

If you want to make a good conversation, listen to your partner, and when you don’t understand something, ask for clarifications, show him or her that you are very interested in what they are saying. When you meet someone you’ve never met before, take the effort to remember their name, don’t just be in a rush to spell your. If you are having difficulties remembering a name, take the habit of constantly repeat that name in your mind. Saying someone’s name is a wonderful power because it gives the speaker immediate attention.

Wrong

Why would you ever prove to a man he is wrong? Let me repeat the question: Why would you ever prove to a man he is wrong? There’s no point in doing this: if you say to me that I am wrong, I would hate you. Yes, I could actually be wrong, but we have that thing called pride which protects us from becoming a victim, it is built with us, and we can’t easily remove it, nor remove it from someone else.

If you must say to someone that he or she is wrong, don’t say it directly, but instead try something like I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let’s examine the facts. Convince the other person that you are both looking for the same result, and show them that it is easy to correct if necessary. The author also suggest to get a lot of yes responses if you want to change someone’s mind, because it creates a flow of agreement between you and the other person.

On the other side, if you found yourself to be wrong, admit it, don’t wait for someone else to point it out, it is easier to receive insults from ourselves than from others, and the consequences are usually less armful.

Conclusion

There’s a lot more to get out from this book, and most of it is gold. The biggest difficulty you may encounter is to absorb al the material and to practice it. I suggest to keep a list of practical actions, and to read it every day in the morning, you’ll be surprised of what will happen.

Buy this book from Amazon.com

Posted on June 25 2009

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